Even when I cannot pray
And words fail me
Even when my heart is low
And tears take the place of words
You hear my innermost cries
And groans that cannot be uttered
Your Spirit soothes like a balm 
And your peace I rediscover

I have had too many days in this year where I have felt too weighed down and too heartsick to pray or even open my bible. In those instances, I usually try to play worship music but invariably I’d be too heavy-hearted to sing along. Some of these occasions have been because of personal circumstances such as illness, etc. but the majority have coincided with news of the killing of another black person that could have been avoided or when I see the stats showing the disparities in so many aspects of life for people of colour.

I don’t have an answer for the “why?” (I don’t think anyone does) but one scripture verse that keeps reverberating in my mind is John 16:33 (AMP).

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]”

This scripture verse reminds me that all these “troubles”, however you choose to define that term (e.g. systemic racism, discrimination, a difficult diagnosis, financial struggles, global pandemic, divorce, etc) have not caught God by surprise. Not only does he reassure us that He has overcome the world but He goes as far as telling us to be filled with joy!

More than ever these days, I wish I could wave a wand and set every injustice to right…but since I can’t, I choose to lean into God more (hence the playing of worship music even if I’m not particularly in the ‘mood’). I don’t always feel His peace straightaway but if I make a conscious effort to reach out for Him and not wrap myself in anger/worry/fear, I find that He helps.

I choose to continue to trust in His ways (even though my human reasoning cannot comprehend the ‘why’ of His ways), ask Him for strength, and for His healing peace and love so that I can continue to live in a way that emulates Christ and not live out the dictates of my confused and broken heart.

Your experiences may be different from mine but if you can relate to this, I want you to be encouraged that even when words fail you and tears are all you can give, your Father in heaven hears your heartbroken groans and will comfort you (Psalm 34:8). Be of good cheer, He has overcome this broken world.

 

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(Image credit: Thought Catalog from Unsplash)